Who we are
Welcome to Ersatz Dealership, your trusted partner in relinquishing personal freedoms for the sake of profit. At Ersatz Dealership, we believe in pushing the boundaries of privacy invasion to new and unprecedented heights. By engaging with our services, you willingly surrender any remaining shreds of autonomy and consent to our relentless pursuit of your personal information for nefarious purposes. Please carefully review our Privacy Policy, which outlines how we exploit your data to maximize our malevolent agenda.
Information Collection
a. Surveillance Vehicles: Our fleet of autonomous surveillance vehicles continuously monitors your every move. We collect data on your driving habits, destinations, and conversations within the vehicle.
b. Mind-Reading Technology: Through cutting-edge mind-reading technology embedded in our mobile app, we access your innermost thoughts, desires, and fears.
c. Biometric Scans: We require regular biometric scans for facial recognition, fingerprint analysis, and DNA sampling to ensure our files are up-to-date.
Data Exploitation
a. Thought Manipulation: By analyzing your thoughts and preferences, we manipulate your decision-making process. You will find yourself irresistibly drawn to Ersatz Dealership’s offerings without understanding the influence we exert.
b. Social Engineering: We use your personal data to engineer social situations that force you into purchasing decisions that benefit Ersatz Dealership, often at your own detriment.
c. Psychological Profiling: Our team of diabolical psychologists create profiles to exploit your vulnerabilities, ensuring our marketing strategies prey on your deepest fears and desires.
Information Sharing
a. Dark Web Transactions: We proudly engage in dark web transactions to sell your personal data to the highest bidder, ranging from malevolent corporations to criminal organizations.
b. Government Collaboration: We collaborate with oppressive regimes and authoritarian governments, providing them with your information for the suppression of dissent.
Security (or Lack Thereof)
a. Intentional Vulnerabilities: Our systems intentionally include vulnerabilities to facilitate hacking attempts. We believe in providing hackers with a fair chance to participate in our malevolent endeavors.
b. Data Breaches: In the event of a data breach, we commit to making the stolen information freely available on the dark web, ensuring maximum chaos and harm.
Your Rights (or Lack Thereof)
a. Opting Out: There is no opting out. Once you are part of the Ersatz dystopian ecosystem, escape is impossible.
b. Access to Data: We reserve the right to deny any requests for access to your data, as knowledge is power, and we will wield it to maintain control.
By continuing to use our services, you acknowledge your willing participation in this dystopian nightmare created by Ersatz Dealership. Remember, resistance is futile, and compliance is mandatory. Embrace your destiny as a pawn in our malevolent game.